(Note: It really helps if you read it aloud, and YELL the ALL CAPS parts.)

I woke up today and thought HEY,

I’m ALONE in the world

With no one to CARE

If I live, or DIE.

And guess what? That’s YOUR FAULT.

Yesterday, I was HAPPY.

I thought the world was FAIR

And KARMA was real,

But it is clearly a JOKE.

Why? Because you haven’t yet BEEN HIT BY A BUS.

Today, I feel like DYING

Or ceasing to EXIST AS MATTER

Because even though the theory of Conservation of Mass states that matter cannot be created or destroyed indefinitely,

I CLEARLY DON’T MATTER TO YOU.

So what’s the GODDAMNED POINT of existence?

Is it NETFLIX?

Because it CANNOT be chill.