I’m pissed off about something. And if I’m emotionally directional enough to actually write it down, chances are that soon you’re going to know what it is that’s pissing me off.
Every August 1st, I think of my childhood friend, Hayley. She used to have this saying: “Nothing good ever happens in August.” Each summer during high school, whenever we’d invite her out to do stuff, she’d reply, “I can’t, it’s August.” Regardless of the planned activity–and to be honest, it usually wasn’t all that thrilling, […]
Twice in the last week, I’ve been called a show-off. This is nothing new for me, but it really ticks me off. Especially now, with all that’s happening. Let me tell you why. Even before I started school, I loved to read. Books were my only friends, for a long time. I was a weird […]
We’ve all heard the joke: Today’s young people are better prepared for a zombie apocalypse than they are for “real life.” Well, thank god for that. As we have seen, are seeing, will see, the world is an increasingly baffling and hellacious place. Human sacrifice? Check. Dogs and cats living together? Check. Mass hysteria? …Oh, […]
I violently agree with this statement. However, I will add a caveat, because clarity is–above all–my jam. *”There is no such thing as a stupid question, provided you’re asking a question with a genuine desire to learn.” It’s not stupid to ask for clarification, ever, if you’re not 100% sure. It is stupid to ask […]
One of the questions I get asked most often, by those who read my blog, is: “Veronica, why in the H do you hate Hemingway so much?” The answer to this question is as complex as my love of awkwardness. I hate him because I respect him. Also, because I feel like he probably never […]
As the famously grouchy Ernest Hemingway once said, it’s very rare to find an intelligent, happy person. Of course, I’m paraphrasing. (Mostly because I suspect this will seriously piss off old Ernie, wherever he is. …Hell, probably.) My whole life, I’ve been fascinated by this happiness/knowledge connection. Is it better to see/feel/know too much, and […]
Dear America, I don’t know your political affiliation, race, religion or gender, and frankly I don’t care. If you’re a human being and you live in this country, I’ll assume that you want (at least to some degree) the three things Americans are famous for wanting: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Living in […]
For people like me, waiting around for stuff is the worst kind of poison. Like dying slowly from an abdominal stab wound, only with slightly less pain. You lie awake and think, what more can I possibly do? When it finally happens, will it hurt? Where will I end up, when all this is over? And […]
As my editorial client list grows, no matter the genre of the work in question, I find myself repeating certain constructive criticisms. This leads me to believe that a lot of writers out there–myself included–tend to make the same mistakes, over and over. Particularly when it comes to the arena of characterization. For me, this […]
Dear Writers, I realize that being a writer is hard. Coming up with concepts, characters, dialogue–all of those things which take an idea and flesh them out into a living, breathing story–can be extremely challenging, even torturous, no matter how talented you are. Then, when you take those challenges and add the strain of watching […]
Author’s note: this post is based on serious opinions, but intended to be read/viewed in the spirit of satire. It also really helps if you read it to yourself in the voice of Lewis Black. *Begin Rant* PEOPLE OF THE INTERNET. YOUR PERSONAL SPACES ARE OFFENDING ME. No, this isn’t a commentary on man, […]
Hey guys! Welcome to my new (sometimes) Sunday Blog Series, V Reviews Books and/or Movies in 20 Words or Less. (The title is a little unwieldy. I’ll work on that.) Enjoy! WARM BODIES review, by V: Expected nothing from the book. Expected little from the movie. Was pleasantly surprised by both. Brains.
I hate the term “writer’s block.” Not because it isn’t apt, but because I feel like it singles out writers and seems to suggest that we–unlike others who toil in a creative vocation–are the sole owners of this metaphorical brain boulder. Like Sisyphus (apparently), we writers are forever doomed to push this gigantic block before […]
***Disclaimer: I don’t usually like to get political. But in light of recent electoral shenanigans, I couldn’t help but vent my frustration. And because I’m me, I decided to share my displeasure by drafting an inaugural speech for the next POTUS. 2012 PRESIDENTIAL ACCEPTANCE SPEECH for [Insert Name Here] [Walk to microphone, place hands on […]
I just got the following alert from Facebook: “Your friend request privileges have been temporarily blocked. From now on, please don’t send friend requests to people you don’t know personally. Facebook is a place for connecting with friends, family, classmates, coworkers and other people you know well. If you are blocked from sending friend requests, […]
It’s only nine in the morning, There’s no cause to despair. It’s only nine on Monday, Just five more days to bear. I’ll probably skip through the day Like a fish through the paws of a bear. At least it’s not ten in the morning; It can only get worse from there.
Author’s Forward: Mom, don’t read this. Also, if you’re a fan of Stephanie Meyer, 50 Shades of Grey, or any other 50 Shades of Bullsh** spinoff thereof, don’t read this. (And while you’re at it, please leave the site immediately and never come back. J/k all readophiles are welcome. Just don’t say I didn’t warn […]
I’m not going to make it. It’s been hours, possibly days, and the pain is only getting more insistent. Harder to ignore. Even I have to admit that I held out admirably for the first session. I barely flinched. In my mind, I was constantly reminding myself of how strong I was. How the pain […]
I hate auto mechanics. This isn’t an untrained bias, mind you, but a deep and cultured loathing that has stemmed from years of experience with these crafty emissaries of Satan. Sure, they seem rather innocuous at first glance. Heck, most of them don’t even look like they know how to tie their own shoes. But the […]
***Careful children, this might get a bit political. As a newly adopted denizen of the high seas, I find myself having the unique opportunity of viewing the current political mayhem with the fresh–if temporary–eyes of an outsider. From afar, I’m amused (and often disappointed) to watch these supposedly distinguished and experienced candidates as they battle […]
While watching the news for the first time in a few weeks (don’t judge me, I’ve been busy), I found myself reflecting on my past as a journalist. My decision not to continue on that career path was the result of several factors: the current job market, declining emphasis on ethics and civic responsibility… but […]
As usual, while watching Toddlers and Tiaras last night I was plagued with thoughts of violence. Somewhere during the twelve-or-so-minute period of inaction caused by the feeling of horror/intrigue shows like that seem to bank on for their viewership, there was a commercial for the new season of Dexter. Of course, my mind being the […]
Cordelia: Sons and daughters of the internet, I am Cordelia! Peanut Gallery: Cordelia is a made up character in a book! Cordelia: Yes, that much is true. In real life, Cordelia is a sassy office manager who kills Diet Cokes by the hundreds, and has been known to quell a man twice her size with […]
In high school, I had a friend who would refuse to leave the house for an entire month each year. If you called her to hang out or invite her to a party, she would simply scoff and respond “It’s August.” Then she would hang up the phone. If pressed, she was known to tersely […]
There once was a struggling writer, Who thought she could be wound no tighter. But when her boss said “do this” She was too dumb to resist. Now she’ll be pulling an all-nighter. (The End.)
VP Anderson 
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