I told myself I loved you

But your Beard was wispy

And insubstantial and you

Had a tendency to skip leg day


I thought you were perfect

But you didn’t know any

Songs by The Clash

Even though you often rocked

A London Calling t-shirt


I imagined us together

Forever even though you

Couldn’t commit to a twelve-month

Phone plan from T-Mobile

Which everyone knows

Is a shitty network


I’m guessing you’ll get fat

From eating only gluten free

French fries because

You have an “allergy” to gluten

Which you’re incapable

Of describing


I believed you were “the One”

But you had like 4,000 plaid shirts

And not one single favorite, ragged t-shirt

With some stupid gimmick from childhood

Except a Goonies sweatshirt you bought at Hot Topic

And you told me you thought that movie was “lame”

So I stole that sweatshirt, and I’m keeping it

Because you don’t deserve it

And besides I doubt you’ll miss either of us



[From the “Prose Over Bros” Series by VP Anderson]