There will be a Reception Line in Hell. And if I am very, very naughty, I will be forced to stand in it. Most likely, somewhere at the front.
This is the worst position of The Line because, at the front, every miserable peon who passes through the never ending procession gets stuck in a metaphysical “bottleneck” created by the slow movers, the uber chatters, and the oldies and is therefore forced to converse with The Line’s Frontman for a much longer period of time than is necessary, right or even humane. In addition to the responsibilities of greeting the masses of strangers that may or may not have any interest in actually BEING in the line in the first place (but must queue for propriety’s sake), they also have to entertain those who step up to the front. And, as I have now learned, the entertainment must be sufficient to prevent the nameless masses from prematurely bailing out of the line.
Which brings me to my second lesson learned. Escape from the line is unacceptable, and must be prevented at all costs. Especially escape by the poor captives IN the line. Heaven forbid they should sneak out for a few moments to get some punch and miss two or three of the enthralled audience members that would’ve normally gotten to witness their riveting banter. Oh nooo, especially when the attempted escapees are of the bridesmaid, insignificant friend, or brother of the actual couple for whom the festivities are planned.
I know that when I go to a wedding, MY first thought is “Oh, I can’t wait to see the sister of the Groom so I can tell her how she looks NOTHING like she did as a small child.” or perhaps, “I’ve just noticed that the bridesmaid on the far left of the line has a slightly different haircolor than she did five years ago. I should inform her of this discrepancy at once!” (Honestly, you’d be surprised how many people have the Exact Same thought patterns when faced with this type of situation.)
Seriously though, one thing I’ve learned about The Wedding this week is that when I eventually decide to throw my own party, I will NOT be subjecting my bridesmaids and close friends to this type of torture. Now that I think about it, though, if I choose people that I truly HATE to be my bridesmaids, this might actually be an excellent way to exact my revenge…