I Hate You Haiku #2
II You smell like cabbage. Your socks are always filthy. “Style choice,” my ass. Jerk.
Category: poetry
I’ve been writing poetry my whole life. I’m pretty emo. Anyway, here’s Wonderwall.
I Hate You Haiku #1
I I really hate you. But not as much as Glenn Beck. I guess that’s something.
No, it’s Definitely You
It’s not because I’m liberal And you’re a republican. Or because I’m Irish Romanian And you’re Italian American. It’s not due to circumstance Or bad timing, or astrology. In fact, I categorically reject Your itemized apology. Because it wasn’t misunderstanding Or a case of “square peg, round hole” Any more than it’s surprising When the […]
Banishing Spell
Get out of my headspace. Get out of my circles. I don’t want to see you, Or speak your name. I banish you from me. I bind your power to harm me. I ball up your influence, And throw it far away. Your energy is toxic. Your intentions are unworthy. I am immune […]
Graffiti
Dear Graffiti Artist, Why? In the name of Andy Warhol, why? Seriously, why would you do something like that? What is the point? Why climb that overpass, and risk getting pancaked by an oncoming train, Just to tell Joe that he “Sux Ballz?” And you didn’t even spell it properly. Unless you’re from some obscure […]
Voodoo Doll
A penny for your dirty thoughts A pin for your cheating lips. If a picture’s worth a thousand words I hope your counterfeit canvas rips. Until you know what it feels like Your glossy, plastic eyes will stray. Toward any strange, skirted target So I’m taking your buttons away. When you cheat, […]
Seven Stories
I always loved fairy stories, With handsome, prince-filled, Happily Ever Afters. Like that ONE with the missing glass shoe, Or the TWO kids who get lost in the woods, Or the THREE pigs who build houses. The first time I saw you, I knew we would be EPIC, Like one of those stories […]
Six Stops
Six stops. Six stops, including a ten-minute changeover in Newark. That’s how long it took you to get up the courage To let me down “easily.” Six stops. Six, two-minute stops, as mandated by the New Jersey transit authority Or God-Knows-Whoever-the-Fuck is in charge of counting How we waste our lives. Six. Motherfucking. Stops. […]
Five Minutes
In girl time, five minutes is forever. That’s what you used to say, right? When I’d say, “I’ll just be another five minutes,” You would roll your eyes and say, “Five minutes in girl time is FOREVER.” And maybe you were right, actually. Maybe that’s why I feel so sucked dry Of happiness and […]
Single SLAM
(Note: It really helps if you read it aloud, and YELL the ALL CAPS parts.) I woke up today and thought HEY, I’m ALONE in the world With no one to CARE If I live, or DIE. And guess what? That’s YOUR FAULT. Yesterday, I was HAPPY. I thought the world was FAIR And KARMA […]
I Hope You Choke
I hope you choke On the lies you told On the promises you made And the kisses you stole. I hope they burn Like white hot stars All the way to the bone I hope they scar. I hope you remember Every secret I gave you You promised to carry them I hope […]
You Owe Me
Fall into a fantasy, Slip into a lie. Either way, I’ll break your heart. Either way, you’ll lie. “Too good to be true” is false, Because “happily” isn’t “ever.” “Come what may” is speculation, And “maybe someday” is never. Give me today and I’ll be glad For the present moment only. If I […]
Motive
You never tell me anything Except what I don’t want to hear When I don’t want to hear it. You never say “I love you” Except when you’ve hurt me Or when I say it first. You never apologize for anything Until you get caught in the act And you have no other […]
Just One More Hit
I’m just a junkie Looking for another fix Someone to break me Unmake me, again. I’m just a lover Fighting the wrong fight Hoping for someone To reopen my wounds. I’m just a liar Telling the same story Wondering why the ending Never seems to change. I’m just a […]
How Do I Loathe Thee
Passion lends itself to poetry Much better than love. Even better than sadness. Anger is mother’s milk For the lyrical spirit Desperation is fuel. You can’t make an omelet Without breaking some eggs. And you can’t break through To the heart of the matter Until you feel what it’s like To shake with powerless […]
Why I Fell (for It)
“Careful,” you said. “Don’t get too close to the edge, Or you’ll FALL.” And you gripped me tight Around the waist To keep me from doing just that, Softly, you kissed me By the giant Christmas Tree In Times Square, which was glowing. And I felt the same way From the inside out, I Tightly, […]
Irreconcilable Differences
Who gets the dog? The geriatric dog We adopted—purely by accident— Twelve summers ago At that campsite just outside That crappy little town With only one gas station We got stuck in overnight Because the pump ran out of gas. It RAN out of GAS. (The gas station did.) Do you remember that? We […]
Borrowed Shoes
For years, my subconscious has been trying to solve The Mystery of You When you show up in my dreams, sometimes we’re friends Sometimes we’re enemies But we’re never Total Strangers, The way we are now I dreamt of you again last night We were going to the movies, but we got lost, together […]
Corner of My Mind
You’re like lyrics To a song that won’t Get out of my head. Elusive. Maddening. Viral. You’re the sickness Clinging to my lungs in winter. Grasping. Weakening. Chill. You’re the elements Like water, rain or hurricane. Torrential. Destructive. Breathtaking. You’re my own Personal poltergeist Always. Lurking. Unsettling. Haunting. […]
Forever Alone Mad Libs
Example: I haven’t showered in _eons__, but that’s okay, because somewhere out there, there’s bound to be a hot, single _notary public_ who loves the smell of _stewed cabbage_. I’m a proud, confident _________ who don’t need no __________. Except to _______ my _________. I might need a _________ for that. When I […]
You’re My Least Favorite Hole
You’re like a manhole, Minus the man. If you were the only draft, I’d pick the can. You’re the void in my donut, The air in my chips. I’d like to take an iron To your tiresome, lying lips. Around is where you always are When it’s space I want instead. You think […]
Never; However
I said I’d never let you down And always take your side. However, that was when I thought I’d be your future bride. I said I’d never lie to you About the things that mattered. However, that was before you broke my heart And my five year plan was shattered. I never wanted […]
Basic Bro
You call yourself a “beer connoisseur” But when no one is looking You drink Pabst Blue Ribbon. You’re basic, Bro. You cheer for the Giants But only because you secretly think You look better in blue. You’re what is loosely referred to as an “unimpressive man,” or “Basic Bro.” Your favorite band Used to be […]
Anyway
I told myself I loved you But your Beard was wispy And insubstantial and you Had a tendency to skip leg day Anyway I thought you were perfect But you didn’t know any Songs by The Clash Even though you often rocked A London Calling t-shirt Anyway I imagined us together Forever even though you […]
VP Anderson 
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