The Horizontal Ceiling

by Veronica Park

I’ve hit the wall, the dead end
The junction of nowhere and everything
It’s too late to change or replace
And I don’t feel safe enough to stay
But I can’t leave
Because I have nowhere to go

I feel the fear, the clutching need
To leave this place or dig in deep
Until I’m beneath it all, unaware
Again, like before, when numbness saved
And months went by without note
Like waking slowly from a coma

This can’t be the end, I’ve just begun
Finding my pace, in this place, where I ran
To escape the last prison of body and mind
Trying to find safety, security, peace
The wall wants me to give it all away
Impress myself on a new place

I’ve barely made a dent as it is
No one will remember I was here
But I will carry the bruises made
By throwing myself into the daily fray
Trying to make something of myself
Something whole, now shattered anew

Humpty Dumpty ran at the wall
He didn’t look first, he had a bad fall
All the excuses and best laid plans
Couldn’t make Humpty more than a man
He died doing what he was best at, flailing
Wondering which came first
Wishing, or failing?