Today is a day for sinning.

Today, I want to worship things that shouldn’t be worshipped, like bacon. I want to create graven images and sign them with my name in bright red for all the world to see. I want to take the Lord’s name in vain, along with a lot of other vile curses. I want to blaspheme the sabbath and disobey my parents. I want to kill and maim and steal and commit adulterous acts. (Okay, maybe not adulterous acts, but at least some pretty seriously adulterous thoughts about Mark Wahlberg or Daniel Craig.) I want to lie under oath, and covet my twisted little heart out.

This is what happens when I hit the snooze button more than three times in the morning. All other rules become negotiable.