Life is a struggle. Plants struggle to grow up through the dirt, baby turtles struggle to army-crawl their way across the burning sand before seagulls make brunch of them, and apes struggle to become more like human beings.

I struggle to understand why.

Why don’t we have flying cars yet? Why are pants plural? Why are there bugs that look like sticks and leaves but there aren’t any animals that look like rocks? Why is Jack Shepherd so much less cool and so much more fat than he used to be? Why are there male cheerleaders? Why is bread a totally different format in every country? Why does Tim Kring keep making shows? Why is waking up early in the morning SO much harder than just staying up all night? Why were boobs somehow PG rated in the 80’s? Why is real news stupider and less informative than comedy news? Why is shampoo usually clear and conditioner never is? Why do babies somehow instinctively fear old people? Why don’t we all? Why abstract art? Why not have cross-dresser Fridays? Why do all Mexican food dishes consist of the same four ingredients? Why don’t Chinese people spread out more, like into Russia? Why are bean bag chairs more expensive than couches? Why do people in horror movies opt to stay inside where it’s creepy? Why did we pick seven days for the week instead of a nice round number like five?

Why am I still writing this?…