Every year, I have a short period of emotional hibernation that I like to call “March Madness.” It usually only lasts a few weeks (and I’m proud to say that it’s never happened at any other time during the year) but nevertheless, try as I might this seasonal miasma seems impossible to shake off.

Usually, it’s a culmination of things: work, lack of sun, a large pile of procrastinated assignments (back when school was the thing), several months of questionable nutrition, barely existant sleep and an overwhelming sense of repetition in my daily routine. Also, really crappy weather. (Especially here.)

Anyway, in order to combat this year’s Madness of March I’m going to try to combat the strong urge to dig a hole deep into the ground and crawl into it–much like our dear old Punxsutawney Phil, may he rest in peace–until the sun comes out and the dirt surrounding my lifeless corpse warms to a tolerable seventy degrees. Or so. Instead, I’m going to make a few goals:

(Disclaimer: if I happen to forget any of these in the course of surviving March Madness and anyone seeks to correct me later, I might have to go groundhog on you and bite you in the ankles. Just sayin.)

Goal #1 – This one’s easy. (Or it sounds that way, at any rate…) Sleep more. Although it might sound strange, studies have shown that inadequate amounts of sleep are terrible for the complexion. Therefore, I resolve to spend less time playing Words with Friends–my latest obsession–and surrender to unconsciousness earlier.

Goal #2 – Spend less time playing Words with Friends. (Not sure this one will be possible…)

Goal #3 – Exercise. More.

Goal #4 – Blog more regularly.

Goal #5 – Find a non-illegal way to end Glen Beck forever.

Goal #6 – Finish first draft of the novel by May 1st.

Goal #7 – Finish the dreaded STAT by the 17th.

Goal #8 – Don’t die.

Basically, these are my goals. Let’s see if they help with the ides of March.