Generalizations on Men

(Note: I wrote this about two years ago, when I was still neck deep in the dating scene and writing for a dating advice blog called the Doorstep Scene. While it may be hyperbolic, it does still smack a bit of truth in the face.)

Girls, we all know that there are millions of guys in the world, so why is it that we keep running into the SAME ones over and over again? Well, I’ll tell you why. Because they all fall into these simple species:

1. The Man’s man: This guy can also be known is the jock, the player, or even Captain America. For some reason, I keep being attracted to this type of man, like a lemming who knows what’s going to happen but just can’t help it. This man will break your heart. But not intentionally, because the Man’s Man finds a woman’s mind a totally incomprehensible thing. He only knows one way to approach women: physically. This guy goes through life on a gameplan, thinking that all he needs to do is look good and say the right thing, and women will fall into his lap. The sad thing is that for so many, it’s worked, so he has no plans of EVER changing his approach. One day, this guy might wake up and realize that the girl worth having is the one that takes a little creativity to get, but don’t hold your breath.

2. The “Sensitive Guy”: This guy has somehow learned that in order to get close to a girl, you have to follow certain rules. Not only does he know all of these rules, but he could probably teach a college-level course in how to use them. He’s the one you call, the one you trust to tell what happened with your date last night, and he’s also the one who will go with you to see that chick flick you secretly love even though it’s super sappy. He might dress really well, or not, but either way he knows how to melt any girl’s heart. There are only two problems with Mr. Sensitive: either he’s actually gay, or he’s a total manwhore.

3. The “Perfect” Man: Many alive today doubt that this legendary being exists, but I’m here to tell you that he does, because I’ve seen him at least three times. Like sasquatch, he usually prefers to stay out of the spotlight and doesn’t seek to call attention to himself. But for the girl who finds him, he is the ultimate catch – kind, loving, loyal, honest, and he always calls when he says he will. Sometimes he comes disguised as that guy you work with, or the one in your economics class. Either way, when you find him he totally restores your faith in the worth of the entire male population. The catch? He has a serious girlfriend, and she’s ugly.

2 thoughts on “Generalizations on Men

  1. I don’t think Vero herself has encountered this sort, so allow me to add another guy to the list. 4. The Geek Guy: The reclusive, computer-obsessed man is only slightly easier to find than Sasquatch only because the geek guy must return to the nearest electric outlet every 8 or fewer hours when his the batteries of his gadgets begin to die. Some argue, however, that the geek guy is easier to locate than Sasquatch simply because Sasquatch’s superior hygiene allows the creature to better blend with its environment, but this author argues that geeks often shower at least weekly. Unfortunately, when encountering the geek guy many a female will be disappointed by their distinct lack of mans’ man or sensitive guy qualities. The geek guy lacks the masculine beauty of a man’s man and lacks the experience and understanding of women to qualify as a sensitive guy. The geek guy’s strength of a geek guy is the assurance he is less likely to stray from his girlfriend.

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