Why 20-year-old Writers Should Not be Allowed to Give Dating Advice:

Here’s my analogy for today’s dating problem:

Let’s say that you’ve gone for a really long while without eating cake. But that’s not because you don’t love cake and want cake, but you just haven’t had access to cake in a really long time and maybe there’s other cake but you just haven’t seen any that you particularly want to eat. Maybe because all the cake lately has coconut on it and you’re allergic.

So. Anyway, the reason you got addicted, (or let’s just say you started wishing you ever had cake) was because you once found what you thought was the all-time perfect cake, and you loved it and it tasted just yummy. But then that cake went bad one day without warning.

This caused you to firstly, distrust cake. Even those cakes that may have been very tasty you turned away with hardly a second look, because it just wasn’t that cake. So now you feel like there just might be a few kinds of cake that you’d like to try that might not turn out to be all that bad. (Even though you still secretly feel that no cake will ever be as good as that first cake.) But you decide to take a chance anyway, and boldly go back out into the cake tasting world.

Now, here is the problem. First, it takes a while to find any cake at all that isn’t someone else’s cake, and usually the cake that’s left alone either has something seriously wrong with it, or could. Secondly, you discover that there is some leftover cake that you’ve had around forever that might not taste as bad as you thought it did, and so you contemplate eating the leftover cake.

However, just as you’re warming to the idea that you might even actually like leftover cake, another cake comes along that looks a lot better, but you don’t know that much about it and maybe it will go bad like the first cake did. Also, you feel bad because wouldn’t it just be easier and cheaper to eat the leftover cake? After all, why spring for a big brand new cake when you might not be able to afford it, and there’s somewhat good cake that you could get for free?

Also, what if you eat the leftover cake and it’s okay but you realize it’s not the cake for you, so you spend the rest of your days wondering what that other cake might’ve been like? And what if the leftover cake is always staring you in the face saying “why didn’t you eat me?” because you chose the new cake instead? Will you feel guilt?

Who knew that “have your cake and eat it too” was so freaking complicated!? Help!!!

3 thoughts on “Why 20-year-old Writers Should Not be Allowed to Give Dating Advice:

  1. I’m sad that you got to the “have your cake and eat it too” comment before I did. I was thinking up a great way to integrate that into my comment, but then you burst the bubble in the last line.I still love your cake analogy. Wow. You found some great parallels, like the leftover cake that’s cheap and easy, but it’s still leftover cake, and leftover cake never tastes quite as good as when it was fresh. It’s just a stale version of the same thing you ate the last time. Eww. At least you still like cake and haven’t been poisoned by all the sugar.

  2. I like hotcakes. I say go for whichever cake is the hottest. Or maybe you should go for some spice cake. Just avoid the crusty cake like that roommate of yours always seems to have around. There was some hair in that cake. Blech. So why can’t you just take a little slice of each cake, and once you decide which one is best, then load up on it. That’s what I do with cake.

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