Example: I haven’t showered in _eons__, but that’s okay, because somewhere out there, there’s bound to be a hot, single _notary public_ who loves the smell of _stewed cabbage_. I’m a proud, confident _________ who don’t need no __________. Except to _______ my _________. I might need a _________ for that. When I […]
You’re like a manhole, Minus the man. If you were the only draft, I’d pick the can. You’re the void in my donut, The air in my chips. I’d like to take an iron To your tiresome, lying lips. Around is where you always are When it’s space I want instead. You think […]
I said I’d never let you down And always take your side. However, that was when I thought I’d be your future bride. I said I’d never lie to you About the things that mattered. However, that was before you broke my heart And my five year plan was shattered. I never wanted […]
You call yourself a “beer connoisseur” But when no one is looking You drink Pabst Blue Ribbon. You’re basic, Bro. You cheer for the Giants But only because you secretly think You look better in blue. You’re what is loosely referred to as an “unimpressive man,” or “Basic Bro.” Your favorite band Used to be […]
I told myself I loved you But your Beard was wispy And insubstantial and you Had a tendency to skip leg day Anyway I thought you were perfect But you didn’t know any Songs by The Clash Even though you often rocked A London Calling t-shirt Anyway I imagined us together Forever even though you […]
Twice in the last week, I’ve been called a show-off. This is nothing new for me, but it really ticks me off. Especially now, with all that’s happening. Let me tell you why. Even before I started school, I loved to read. Books were my only friends, for a long time. I was a weird […]
“I know how to take care of myself,” she said. They assumed she meant that she could harm someone who was trying to harm her, and that was true. But it also meant that she knew how to buy herself flowers when she was feeling like the world was devoid of beauty. She also knew […]
Author’s Note: I wrote this for myself, but you can adopt it, if you want. This past year has been sobering for a lot of people. A lot of us, particularly in the United States, have been forced to take a good look at the way we participate in society. Many of us, particularly in […]
Book: Found photos. Eerie descriptions. Magical. Movie: CGI tricks. Underutilized British actors. Samuel Jackson. Perplexing and bombastic climax.
We’ve all heard the joke: Today’s young people are better prepared for a zombie apocalypse than they are for “real life.” Well, thank god for that. As we have seen, are seeing, will see, the world is an increasingly baffling and hellacious place. Human sacrifice? Check. Dogs and cats living together? Check. Mass hysteria? …Oh, […]
op·pres·sion /əˈpreSHən/ noun noun: oppression; plural noun: oppressions prolonged cruel or unjust treatment or control. “a region shattered by oppression and killing” synonyms: persecution, abuse, maltreatment, ill-treatment, tyranny, despotism, repression, suppression, subjection, subjugation; More antonyms: freedom, democracy the state of being subject to unjust treatment or control. synonyms: persecution, abuse, maltreatment, ill-treatment, tyranny, despotism, repression, […]
Entitlement is a funny thing. Hard to recognize, especially in ourselves. Difficult to escape. It’s not just a mindset we develop during our best times. Not only a set of behaviors adopted out of carelessness. For some, it’s like a religion, or an inheritance. A way of life passed down from father to son. Some […]
Dear Friend, It’s been a long time since we’ve officially talked. Or…unofficially talked. Too long. It’s strange, even a little creepy, but I still know the basics of the path your life has taken since last we spoke. Officially, I mean. I know you had another kid, but I don’t know what you named it. […]
***Disclaimer: If you’re super religious and/or don’t like having your beliefs questioned, you may want to steer clear of this one.*** When I was a junior in college, I took a class in professional arguing. (Well, okay, technically it was Advanced Negotiation, but arguing is more fun to say.) One of the most useful things […]
Hey guys! Remember my zany (and extremely sporadic) Sunday Blog Series, V Reviews Books and/or Movies in 20 Words or Less? No??? That’s cool. (I kind of forgot about it too.) Here’s what I think about the new Star Wars: The Force Awakens I have always loved JJ Abrams. But that doesn’t mean I love EVERYTHING he […]
The Horizontal Ceiling by Veronica Park I’ve hit the wall, the dead end The junction of nowhere and everything It’s too late to change or replace And I don’t feel safe enough to stay But I can’t leave Because I have nowhere to go I feel the fear, the clutching need To leave this place […]
Following a post from my favorite literary fledgling last week, I found myself inspired to write about a rarely lauded struggle which I believe all literary folk in general–including the “successful” ones–ultimately face: I call it The Eternal Shame of Relatively Obscure ROI. (ROR) < Pronounce this like a dinosaur, for optimal fun. (ESoROR works […]
Ever heard that saying? No? Yes, you have. (Liar.) “There’s no such thing as BAD PRESS,” they said. “Oh, yes there is!” you scoffed. “Like, remember the time when Miley Cyrus donned a Trojan bikini and gyrated on that Beetlejuice guy at the VMA’s or whatever, and it totally destroyed her career?” Except, wait…no it […]
“In the Now” by Vanessa Robins ’Tis the season for family gatherings and questions. “What have you been writing?” “Have you gotten anything published?” “Still no boyfriend?” (Don’t even get me started on the answer for this one.) And the question to end all questions: “What are you going to do next?” A writer’s world […]
“How Not to Start Writing” by Elizabeth Lynx That title explains perfectly how I became a writer. I will admit things in this post I don’t tell a lot of people. In fact, most writers are probably shaking their heads at me thinking it’s best if no one ever knows any of this. Once you […]
“Always Be Grudging” by Michelle Hauck In late fall of 2013 it seemed my writer career had taken off. I’d just gotten an agent. I’d placed an earlier story, Kindar’s Cure, with a small press, but I didn’t feel complete without an agent. Now, my humorous middle grade story was being read by the important […]
Tim Horton’s: The Awakening by Amy Fish Friend of mine retired. Went back to old work place to gloat about how relaxed I am since leaving to pursue writing career full time see everybody and celebrate retirement. Party featured standard coffee urn and oh-so-festive chocolate fountain. Right next to each other. Are You Thinking What […]
I violently agree with this statement. However, I will add a caveat, because clarity is–above all–my jam. *”There is no such thing as a stupid question, provided you’re asking a question with a genuine desire to learn.” It’s not stupid to ask for clarification, ever, if you’re not 100% sure. It is stupid to ask […]
My Secret Life as an Author by Joshua Edward Smith My self-published first novel had been out for a little more than a month, when my wife and I were walking to our favorite restaurant to meet friends for dinner. “Do you think…” I hesitated. “I mean maybe…” Oh, fuck it, I thought. “Would […]
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