This is stolen borrowed from a recent article in the Examiner of nearby Salt Lake. I just found it so hilarious that I needed to share it. The 50 Best Author vs. Author Put Downs of All time “With the single exception of Homer, there is no eminent writer, not even Sir Walter Scott, whom […]
Life is a struggle. Plants struggle to grow up through the dirt, baby turtles struggle to army-crawl their way across the burning sand before seagulls make brunch of them, and apes struggle to become more like human beings. I struggle to understand why. Why don’t we have flying cars yet? Why are pants plural? Why […]
Hey, so if you’re wondering why there’s this stapler-shaped indentation on my forehead? It’s because I’ve decided to do what two out of three “how to” writer’s guide thingamajiggers and whatsits advise me to do, (because I am a slave to the rantings of so-called experts–something I might get from my mom, actually) and I’m writing […]
Arrrrrgh. I’ve reached the point where I’m questioning some of the major events that make up my plot. Again. I don’t know if this is part of the creative process or what, but I’m getting to the point where I’m like haaaaaaaaaating life. So here’s my question to put to “all” of you. ***What are […]
Have you ever noticed that sometimes, it’s the little things that tell you about a person? Like the old adage goes, “Do what I say and not what I do” or something like that. Only in reverse. I was just thinking about this earlier tonight, and here are some of the things I noticed: My […]
Two am. The streets outside have finally fallen quiet. I’ve exhausted the latest offerings of my trusty DVR, and now it’s time to create. I eat an apple for energy, and drink a can of Diet Coke so my body doesn’t flop over sideways on the couch and give me curvature of the spine a […]
In the office worker genre, practically everyone is opposed to the time-honored practice of nepotism. In theory, hiring two people of the same bloodline to work in the same job capacity seems like a good idea. After all, if one person–being born from a certain set of parents and raised with a certain work ethic–is […]
Hey everyone, I know it’s been a little while… and I’m sorry. Did you miss me? Are you feeling alone in the world without my occasionally biting, yet ingenious rhetoric? Do you sometimes lie awake at night, staring at the ceiling, and think “Why have you forsaken me, Vandersun!? WHY?” I thought as much. By […]
I hate dieting. Not only as an activity or as a weight loss tool, but as a concept. This is because, to me, dieting–even in its most abstract, non-sensical form–is usually implemented as a tool of last resort. Sort of like a slower, milder form of sensory deprivation like they do in between the waterboarding. […]
Confession #1,971: I read a book almost halfway through before realizing that I’d already read that book. When I was seventeen and completely stoned out on pain killers after my car accident. Didn’t remember a thing! Secretly, I wish I could do that with all the really good books I read. Then I could just […]
Confession #9: I don’t care how demeaning and constrictive they supposedly were, I wish we all still wore corsets. Also spats.
There are always those days where you overhear things you wish you hadn’t. For me, those days are usually few and far between–because I usually enjoy a good eavesdrop, especially when it’s none of my business–but today it was onee for the record books. Should’ve just left in the earbuds. “…and then he was like, don’t stick […]
Confession #756: During my junior year of high school, I totalled six cars. Two of them belonged to other people who “didn’t see me,” one perished in an alleged drag racing incident, one fell victim to a Volkswagen Touareg, one inexplicably went into full arrest in the middle of a bridge during a storm (Poe style), […]
Confession #79: I hate the taste of water.
Confession #1,202: I once changed the oil in my friend’s car wearing only a bikini at a 7-11 at four in the morning. There were people around, with cameras. I must have some Mississippi debutante in my blood somewhere. There’s no other excuse.
Confession #357: I may or may not have a warrant out for my arrest in the state of Colorado.
Confession #121: Got a card in the mail today asking why I haven’t voted in five years. I’ve voted every year as an absentee for my home state, or so I thought. …Until my home state sent me a card asking why I haven’t voted in five years.
Confession #260: I cried watching Up (by Pixar). I still cry every time I watch Thumbelina.
In the interest of keeping my goals (to blog more…often…oftenly) I hereby introduce the continuation of my quintessential Confession Series. So here they are, in no particular order: Confession # 179 – I ate dried cat food as a kid. Not just one time, either; I seem to remember several occasions. Bleh.
Confession #1,340: I already broke goal #1. It’s almost four am, I’m watching the 1980’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer and quasi studying, and I’m not even a little sleepy. Maybe it doesn’t count if I never go to bed…
Every year, I have a short period of emotional hibernation that I like to call “March Madness.” It usually only lasts a few weeks (and I’m proud to say that it’s never happened at any other time during the year) but nevertheless, try as I might this seasonal miasma seems impossible to shake off. Usually, […]
It’s recently been pointed out to me that my notes have been a bit miasmic in tone of late–or, in layman’s terms, “A trip to the birthplace of Debbie Downer,” aka “Bummertown.” Never one to intentionally bum out the small (yet very, very important) readership I’ve cultivated over the years (or as I like to call […]
Never not having to say you’re sorry. Telling someone “it’s okay,” even when it’s not yet. Being hilarious in awkward situations, and refusing to be awkward in embarrassing–yet hilarious–situations. Accepting someone not in spite of, but in the entirety of their failures and triumphs put together. Refusing to judge untill all of the details are […]
“A rose by any other name would smell as sweet,” a wise and lecherous drunkard once wrote. But I’m going to have to disagree with Ol’ Shakespeare on this one, because even though he was a legendary bard when it came to word-smithery, as an administrator of hospital-like things, I’m the one who is faced with the […]
I know it’s a total copout—not to mention a torrid embrace of all things lazy and unoriginal, which is basically the same thing, I realize—but there are times when I’m not all that into linear thinking. During those times, I just gotta let myself sort out my turbulent thoughts in whatever format they happen to […]
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